Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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