i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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