got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
50% drunk capacity currently
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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