My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every concussion has its silver lining
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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