i don't like sucking hair
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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