I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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