I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
