it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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