I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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