so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
