Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
