nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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