I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
