ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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