i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The best revenge is premature balding
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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