My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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