For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
