How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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