i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
