Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
