Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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