direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
