sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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