I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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