fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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