I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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