I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize