i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
