it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
