Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this just has baby written all over it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
