dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
