Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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