it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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