You really coming over, don't trick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
