So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
