I saw his package. It spoke to me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
