dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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