I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
