youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
