Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
