You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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