I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
