today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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