ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
