can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
