If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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