Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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