my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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