That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
