Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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