I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
