Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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