you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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