Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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