Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
