everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
