dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
