I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
