Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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