I wish I could punch you in the face.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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