I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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