Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
