I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
