I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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