Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
