gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize