The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
