Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
