You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
