I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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