I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
