I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
