I skipped work to stalk him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
