I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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