Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize