hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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