It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
