my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize